Black in Blue

It was a loss after another. Failing four consecutive competitions in a row never gave me even the slightest chance to retaliate. It was like joining a battle of honor with nothing but a blunt dagger, like fighting in a war where you’re most likely gonna die in the end, like hanging by a thread in a do-or-die situation.

Back in high school, quiz bees were nothing but pastime. I used to win most of the time, something not commonly achieved by a regular student who just began joining this type of competition. But now that I’ve come to think of it, I only won local quiz bees so far, all related with Math, the ones held within your school campus and you’re against other sections of the same year (if you don’t count a spelling bee and an essay-writing contest I joined in where I did a commendable job). The only thing I can really be proud of I guess is competing in a local quiz bee at the largest high school in the country. It’s not that I’m really good in Mathematics just so you know, I only know how to enjoy and take my time solving mathematical problems. In the end, I only win first place against students on the same curriculum, that means excluding the smartest folks in the entire campus. I have no right to boast anything after all.

Aside from getting an exceptionally high score in both  the National Career Examination Exam (NCAE) and the National Secondary Aptitude Test (NSAT) and graduating from high school with honors, I don’t have anything I can call an achievement at all. But failures – I have many. I failed the University of the Philippines College Admission Test (UPCAT) due to a rare disease called temporary stupidity and failed even the profoundly easy (opinion-wise) Polytechnic University of the Philippines College Entrance Test (PUPCET) as well due to a technical glitch known as I’m-destined-to-fail-because-of-a-not-so-smart-proctor, which mainly became the reason why I ended up studying in a still young and little university near our place after passing its entrance exam with relative ease and an interview with a “highly-recommended” remark.

Starting from the baby steps again sure was frustrating but alas comes a challenge I can never ignore – a challenge that will test not only my skills and mental capability as a student but my morality as a person as well -  that is, to endure, persevere, and survive five years of more frustration and lots of regret.

Now after, excelling a little in class, acquiring consistent positive grades every semester and being academically active, I was able to have another shot to prove my worth once more (more precisely, four times and counting…). Or should I say, prove that the only thing I’m really good at is failing.

Last year, I had my first attempt to glory by joining the 2010 Inter-University Physics Quiz Show held at the Technological University of the Philippines (TUP) – Manila. Each participating university must register a group of two members, I happen to be one of the two and together with a fellow third year student, we brought home the…uhm…a  pair of souvenir shirt and a pair of certificate of participation. It was one heck of a ride. We came unprepared, we admit… And the only Physics subject I’m familiar with, Mechanics, betrayed us. We had our alibis then, we’re found not guilty.  It was alright to make mistake every once in a while, right? That was what I thought. However, what happened next was beyond me.

Fun fact no. 1: By any circumstance (or you may call it, destiny), I was able to reunite with a very familiar person here. More on this from my other entry “Forecast”.

TUP-Manila

I decided to proceed with my plan for revenge and world domination by winning the 38th Annual Nationwide Search for the Math Wizard held at UP-Diliman (a place that brings back nothing but bad memories) earlier this year. This time, like the battle before it and as I sounded like a TV program’s simple-minded villain, it was a sad conclusion to share that I never had the privilege to be the last one standing and the one who laughs an evil laugh in the end. The competition was so difficult I almost regret joining. In this mission impossible, I was accompanied by two students from BS Math and and a senior from the same college. It was an individual competition where you solve 50 difficult math questions (if my memory serves me  right) with no calculator and with each incorrect answer subtracted from your total score. Easy, right? Yeah, easier said than done. But wait, that’s just for the elimination round. The semi-finals will only have 24 participants, namely those who got the highest score from the previous round (those who were not eliminated). This time, doodling in the air was also prohibited and it’s a buzz-in type. Speaking of solving mentally and the search for the next Math wizard…*sigh*. Only six contestants (again, I’m not sure) will proceed to the final round and only one winner will emerge in the end.

Fun fact no. 2: I still don’t get it but for unknown reasons, the competition took place at the same building where I took the UPCAT.

UP-Diliman

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I found two articles from Adamson University’s official website, www.adamson.edu.ph, that instantly caught my attention. Note that these articles are not mine, I’ve decided to include sections from these articles in this entry only for the sole purpose of having to show everyone, including myself, two articles that will somewhat (and somehow) serve both as a reminder and a proof of my being a big loser. I put all the reminders in bold just in case.

“Two Engineering students from Adamson University toppled the competition at the Inter-University Physics Quiz Bee held at the Technological University of the Philippines campus in Manila last February 16…

Coming in second after AdU was Technological Institute of the Philippines – Quezon City while Far Eastern University – East Asia College landed in third place.”

And here’s the second one…

“Another Adamsonian also made waves at the 38th Annual Nationwide Search for the Math Wizard held at the University of the Philippines-Diliman last February 12. Ronald Dee, a fourth year Mechanical Engineering student, was awarded a certificate for being the Highest Pointer in the Elimination Round of the contest where he beat 340 other participants from the top universities in the country. Dee was joined by Puebla in the contest to represent Adamson, and together they were also among the top 24 contestants. The competition was sponsored by the UP Mathematics Club. MGMSANTOS”

Here’s an exciting trivia: Adamson University, like FEU-EAC, has always been one of the leading universities in every quiz show I’ve joined in and needless to say, one of the hardest to beat. They’re participants consistently beat me every time and it’s excruciating.

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We’re halfway there. Have patience. Keep reading.

The third competition I’ve joined in was small fry compared to the first two but the humiliation I received was probably just as much. It was a local competition held in our campus in celebration of our university’s foundation week. A battle among the different colleges. An oral quiz with five (or was it six?) participants in each group. I was the one chosen by our college dean to represent our college together with a new classmate and three third year students (the smartest bunch in their batch). Everything was going smoothly when the oral quiz began. Our dean even supported us all the way. We topped the easy round, multiple choice (ten questions per round) – piece of cake. Afterwards, things start to go out of our hands. History and Language questions kept coming, something we’re not prepared for. And as the battle ends, we were on the losing side… It was complete annihilation… A total defeat. Too much for small fry, ain’t it? Now, here’s where I start running out of lame excuses to come up with.

Fun fact no. 3: Remember the battle of UP-Diliman? In this group quiz, we were up against one of the two students from BS Math that I teamed up with before. I hear destiny’s call ringing again.

Now the fourth and the most recent loss I had was so close to success it was such a waste. I was one of the unlucky six chosen to join (with two participants from 3rd year, 4th year and 5th year) and once again represent our university at the IECEP-EMMSC Quiz Bowl 2011: Clash of the Ingenious Minds (all thanks to my being the VP Academics of our college organization, the IECEP-GenECESS and the President of its sub-organization, the Elite Quizzers’ Society). It was held at Far East University (FEU) – East Asia College last August 17. This time, however, we were guided by one of the best professors in our college. I was tasked to manage the registration process this time as well. The IECEP-EMMSC Quiz Bowl requires every participating school  to send five questions for  Mathematics, Electronics, Communication and General Engineering Applied Sciences (a total of twenty questions). These will then be drawn randomly as questions in a specific difficulty. There will be three rounds (Easy, Average and Difficult) of eight questions each. 5 points will be given for each correct answer in an objective-type question and 15 points for problem-solving. Only three members of the group can participate in a round. Substitution can be done in-between rounds. The combination of the participants was all up to the coach.  I passed on the easy round and let others do the answering. They did great during that round, a nice start to say the least. When it was my turn to take the spotlight, that when the fight starts to turn for the worst. We’re left in a very risky do-or-die situation. I only managed to answer a single problem-solving question in the average round.  The rest is up to the others. Our coach decided to  bench me for the difficult round – a decision I just allowed. I got another correct answer for a problem-solving question. The problem however was the fact that I no longer have the right to answer. The worst part was the ones on play got it wrong. It’s disappointing but I completely understand. We lost again. We were so close. Only the top five teams were chosen to proceed to the nationals. We’re got the twelfth place, on par with UP-Diliman and another school, but only two questions away from the top 5. We returned, a little contented, with only certificates in hand. Besides, midterm exams were ongoing then it’s hard to focus. on the quiz bowl alone. Next time… Hopefully…

Fun fact no. 4:  Another very important person related to the person mentioned in fun fact no. 1 happens to be studying at FEU-EAC. We planned to meet each other that day. But like the outcome of the quiz bowl, we were so close and  still so far.

The fifth quiz bee I’ll be joining in will be held at Adamson University this coming Saturday, September 3. Will I lose again? Or will I win this time? Who knows? No matter the outcome. No matter what they say. No matter how many times I have failed. I don’t have an idea.

I feel like I am venturing on a world I no longer know – the world of the elite and the best students who deserve praise. It is like living momentarily behind the shadow of my dream, of that goal I can never achieve anymore. And that makes me a little happy.

The Unidirectional Time

     I’ve been away for almost a year and now I am back. Some… So many things we’re different now. The biggest change I ever had so far in my life. But there’s still not much positivity in my brain and my words are just as profound as they were. But hey, I’m back… and I guess this calls for a celebration. Cheers!

     Today is her birthday (technically, it was yesterday) . I mean, my best friend’s birthday… my… well… uhm… former best friend to say the least. The bond we used to have is nowhere to be found, we no longer communicate with each other (except for the very awkward greeting I received from her on my nineteenth birthday) and it’s been quite a while since I last saw her. I don’t even know what she’s up to now or if she is doing fine. To tell you the truth, I miss her so much and I’m not okay anymore with this odd distance between us.

     On a lighter note, my eldest sister is now married to her long-term boyfriend. One of my brothers, the younger one, is now working in a cruise ship, the Royal Caribbean International. The sad part though is that he has to be away from us for ten months every year. It is the very first time that a family member has to do so (except for my dad’s case years before I was born). And last but not the least, my younger sister, second to the youngest, is now pursuing veterinary at Isabela State University. And like my brother before her, she also has to spend  ten months away from us as well… If my calculations were right, it will be a very long time before the day we’re all reunited again comes.

     About me, well… not much has changed. I am still the same old boring me. The same person who regrets a lot of mistakes from his past, who would go head over heels about the silliest things, who could easily manipulate mathematical equations but never understand and accept (or deny) the reality of life and by any means, would try to stand up fearlessly, solving every problems he encounter but end up writing about sadness, false hope, childish dreams and nostalgia.

     I am still the same man who loves being negative and optimistic at the same time. I am still the same man who laughs at the weirdest jokes but hates being laughed at. I am still the same man who excels in school but not in life. I am still the same man who is a good man on someone else’s perspective but is never good for himself. I still sleep late like before or maybe much more often now. I still try to impress please everybody (which I know is impossible) but still fails. And even though I know all these things, I can’t help but fail every time I try to utilize my weaknesses and to find my strengths. And every time I smile, that smile doesn’t last for long (probably as good as not smiling at all).

     I feel a little different though… And since I still tend to believe that I can change for the better, I still welcome change just as easy as a little kid weeps after being bullied. Hey, speaking of kids, I am now working part-time as a babysitter of my cute little niece, the main cause of my many sleepless nights. I enjoy it though. And about school… I’m two years away from graduating and I am still doing fine. A little bored? Yes. A little tired? Yes. A little fed up? Yes… But still doing fine. And with ‘fine’, I mean not so fine. I still wake up every morning doing almost my same old daily routine. I still do my best, still believing that someday, I’ll find true happiness (again, one of those childish dreams). I am babbling nonsense again, aren’t I? Sorry for that. Seriously… things turn for the worse, not for the better. And the worst of all is the fact that my past is so bad, the future becomes more uncertain. If only (Yeah… that’s right… my favorite phrase!)… I guess I’d end it here.

     Just a while ago, I had the chance to reminisce my childhood days with my grade school classmates when one of them decided to create a group account on Facebook for our batch. Going back to the old times sure was great if only I remember anything. Sigh… I’m suffering with my occasional amnesia again. Back to topic… I almost did not recognize them. Some changed a lot physically. Besides having their names almost deleted on my memory, the very strange feeling of  recalling the events we shared together (another thing you can vaguely remember) adds up to the awkwardness of the situation. Each one of us took quite an unexpected change. Some took a chance abroad. Some stayed on their track towards achieving their dream back when they were still kids. Some had a change of goal. There are those who used to pursue a math-related career and end up pursuing something science-related. There are those who chose to pursue the latter and end up otherwise. Some chose to excel academically, even to the extent of abandoning their passion for either art or music. Some found new skills and hidden talents… Some chose to live life anew while some never improved at all.

     Oh the irony! Just the mere idea is killing me. I just instill on myself that it’s not yet the end my friend. So that no matter what happens, I will not give up. If they can succeed, I can as well. The thrill makes me more fueled up for action, improving day by day, albeit slowly. There will come a time when I shall be able to see the one thing I want most.

     Guess that’s it for now. I’ll be back soon. Wish me luck.  Ciao.

On Hiatus

It looks like I have to say goodbye to blogging for a while.

I won’t be posting up anything new for several months or years from this day to concentrate on my studies and chosen career.

I’ll be back but I don’t know when.

Till then…

Forecast

February 17, 2010

What’s today?

Today’s supposed to be a day to relax since there are no classes, one thing I love to do every Wednesday. However, today’s also the last day for the campaign and unfortunately, I have chosen to run for the position of Auditor. Today’s the day that I decided to join the Physics Inter-University Quiz Show tomorrow, something that took me five days to decide. Today’s the day we’re going to continue and hopefully, finish the Chapter III of our Thesis Paper. And lastly, today’s going to be one heck of a journey.

I was at school from 10 AM for the campaign and stayed there until 9 PM, something against the 2 PM meeting me and my group talked about for our Thesis Paper. I was believing, though, that they would understand. By 9 PM, I went to Rona’s condo to work on the paper, carrying two very thick Physics books, two notebooks that Kuya Jhun lent me and a cellphone. The Quiz Show’s a few hours away so I told my groupmates, Lara, Arnie, Rona, Esther and her boyfriend, Venjo that I would do some reviews instead. I never thought they would actually agree with me and I thank them for that.  After a while, at last, I got home safely by 12 AM.

In other terms…

Today’s definitely not a day to relax, although there are no classes. Today’s the day that I pondered to live the next school year in misery, if I win. Today’s the day that I decided to look forward onto a tomorrow filled with humiliation, during a last-one-minute decision-making. Today’s the day that I  chose to kill myself. Today’s the day that I die.

Although physically and mentally exhausted after a restless today, not as expected, I survived.

February 18, 2010

I had no time for sleeping. In preparation for the Quiz Show to be held at TUP-Manila that very morning, I had undergone a short limit-breaking review in Engineering Physics I and II from 12 AM to 2:30 AM followed by a short rest before my execution from 2:30 AM to 4:30 AM.

After un-conditioning my already unconditioned mind, body and spirit, I took one last leap of faith towards the end of the road and ended up being the first student to arrive at  my so-called university. I waited for half an hour for our “quiz show trainer” and another half-hour for my quiz show partner (from the other section), whose endearing last-minute participation made my joining possible. I grabbed the chance and took that one hour of waiting worthwhile doing short reviews. Almost late for the 8 AM to 8:50AM registration period, we went out and took a quick trip to TUP-Manila by 7 AM.

One of the four things I won’t forget that day was having the chance to meet two outstanding personalities that I may not have the chance to work  with if I didn’t join, Sir Glenn and Mr. Eduardo Jr. of 2A. In a flash, we’re already a team, I must say. Sir Glenn payed everything we needed for the trip, from jeepney fares to lunch. Just the thought that he’d accompany strangers without whining was enough for me to tell how good he is. Edu, on the other hand, is a friend of mine. As I’ve heard, he’s one of the best students, if not the best, from section A. We’re both high-spirited and probably, both skilled and self-conceited in some ways.

Not attending my first class in FIL102, we arrived at TUP-Manila by 8:30 AM. Probably the second highlight of that day was the fact that that was the first time I’ve ever joined a quiz show on another university, outside our own. A feeling of excitement and something else told me I”m slowly growing up.

Written on the invitation letter was the exact location of the event – TUP-Manila, IRTC Conference Hall, 5th Floor. A perfect place for the event indeed – a secluded building on the corner of the university. From the entrance door, we took a few more steps to reach the 5th floor, something that almost killed me. I was dying, enough said. The 5th floor was different than the previous floors, it was crowded with a lot of different students from different schools. The funny thing was we really stood out. Against everyone’s white school uniform, only the two of us were wearing black college shirts. Across the large and spacious rectangular room were thirteen tables and two chairs adjacent to each. The other teams together with their respective trainers and some TUP students were scattered inside and outside the large room. Among the crowd, on one side of the hall, probably the farthest from the entrance, someone very familiar caught attention. He was there, the first person that I would most likely meet on a gathering of this kind. My best friend, someone I never forgot these last two years.

When I saw him, he was already looking at me, with eyes in disbelief, as if he was seeing a ghost and a smile that is asking me why I’m there.  I know he wasn’t expecting me to join on such event, especially on a Physics Quiz Show. Slowly, he stood up and he greeted me and I greeted him back. Weird enough, there was no longer this invisible barrier that used to separate us. Back then, I used to ignore him a lot, a habit that made me forget how to confront him completely. Maybe this time, thing’s were different again because, the last two years made me forget how to ignore him. It was like starting anew or meeting a new friend. We’ve changed. He’s very much taller than me now, a bit fatter but still with that same stern look. He told me he was only there for support. It was a good thing we don’t have to compete with him and a bad thing because I wanted to. Too bad I had to leave him for  a while to register for the quiz show and the event’s about to start.

The quiz show started with the National Anthem and ended with the University Hymn. The Quiz Show was quite disappointing. The champion was from TIP, garnering only seven correct answers from thirty questions. They were followed by Adamson University, also garnering seven correct answers. The rest, I no longer remember. At least we’re not the last. We’ve tried our best, just not that well-prepared. The questions were not even suitable for an average sophomore college student and we’re up against other courses who definitely have the advantage. The quiz show was suppose to cover up all areas from Mechanics, Fluids, Thermodynamics and Electromagnetism. Mechanics, the only branch of Physics we’re good at, was almost out sight. I guess the competition’s totally not on our side. We’re not going to bring home the bacon this time but at least we’re going to bring home a shirt from the event.

Before leaving, I talked to my old friend again and bid him goodbye before we left. Next time we meet, I’m not going to lose again. That’s a promise. The trip back to PLP was hellish. The sun was sitting high on its peak, air pollution was evident and the trip was interrupted with frequent stop-and-go’s. Back at PLP, the Meeting de Avance of the candidates for the next set of officers was about to begin.  It was already 1:30 PM.

Sir Glenn, Edu and me had to part there since Sir Glenn still has to inform Ma’am Senase about our shameful defeat. Our old professor, Sir Bilaw, was wrong to recommend me to join the quiz show in the first place anyway. My fellow college-mates were all eager to know the result of the quiz show and we can’t say a thing. What a drag.

After the quiz show, I had to face another big problem, the Meeting de Avance. Almost everyone gathered at the ECE Drawing Room to “know us better”. A lot of questions were thrown, most of which are in favor of the other party. They never even bothered to listen to most of what my party-mates had to say. And there I was, sitting idly and silently in front, doing nothing.

There was definitely a personal feud going on between the two parties. The audience were mostly biased. But I do agree that some of our party’s members were wrong. The other party was good, their members were more skilled and more charismatic. Sada, a good friend of mine, running for the position of Assistant Secretary, was probably the only one who stood a chance against the opposite party. I mean, even I had the chance but not as concrete as hers. The other party’s candidate for Auditor, Kuya Papa, was also a friend of mine, more admirable, funny and approachable. He was from a higher year. Needless to say, he spoke well during the meeting and everyone is yelling for him. What chance do I have? I have the support of a lot of freshman students, all of which, my friends. My classmates were also on my side, supporting me, Sada and two more classmates on the opposite party, Arnie for Third Year Representative and Rona for Secretary. 3B were also on our party’s side because of Kuya Jhun, running for VP Academics and Ate April, running for Treasurer. I do have a chance. However, during the meeting, our party mostly has negative feedback. Some even “advised” me to give up, some seemed to be against me. After that, I guess I don’t have a choice but to admit I’m going to lose. The election day’s suppose to happen the following day.

With another defeat on hand and my mind barely intact, some of my freshman friends cheered me up and told me that they would still vote for me. I appreciate that a lot – the fourth thing about that day I will never forget. However, I told them to vote for the opposite candidate instead. I know he’d make a good Auditor anyway. Their being there was enough.

By 6 PM, we finally went home. Half of me was dead, a loser to be precise. The other half was wide awake, a someone who can no longer wait to record this unforgettable experience. Relaxing on the couch, with a laptop on his lap, he wrote something about a forecast that was never told. A forecast of events he knew would happen. And with this forecast coming to a close, pressing the period (.) key on the keyboard, he ends this entry.

Another Morning

It’s but again another 1st day of January…

This is my shortest entry yet (and hopefully, not my last)…

I’m hoping this year would be better than the past years…

Happy New Year, everyone!

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010!

Life in a Hurricane

September 26, 2009

Just as early for the opening of what seemed to be another usual day, I woke up an hour late to attend my first class, Differential Calculus. The first in a million years along the tracks of history.

The swooshing of the wind makes nothing new. “Like every usual day”, I thought. And surely, the things around me proved me right, only for that time however.

Our class was cut short by a couple of hours, ending up in both dismay and excitement. Surely it was a good way to begin the day – waking up late for nothing.

I was happy nonetheless.

We decided to wait for our next class – for four hours to say the least. The day went on smoothly until three words echoed across the halls of our college – CLASSES ARE SUSPENDED.

Great… I should have just stayed home. The rain poured harder outside but what waited outside’s much worse.

I love the rain and the darkness it brought.  The rain calmed down a bit but this time, in an almost never-ending cycle. One after the other, the rain began flooding the streets, our university’s canteen and the main building. Just outside our campus, the flood, already about knee-high, kept on growing higher each hour. The streets called a large crowd- jeepneys, tricycles and other kinds of vehicles queued up along the streets due to the heavy traffic caused by the flood. It was a good thing Ivan’s parents came to pick us up with their two tricycles. With the flood rising up, every time and just as soon as the water hits the exhaust of the tricycle, it would evaporate into a thick gray steam and cover my face. It was as if the tricycle was caught on fire. A lot of things have happened on our way home and it would take one whole day to narrate it all. At least, Ivan , Arnie and me got home safely. We were worried about the others though.

Bad luck didn’t end there. At home, I decided to sit down for a while to condition myself after a short but tiring day. Just as soon as I sat down, the lights went out and all else went to a shutdown. A massive power failure began. It was a complete blackout and I hate it. It was not too long till everything else followed. No PSPs, no cellphones, no computer and no televisions. Just the darkness and the rain.

From then on, the sky never smiled again. I love the rain and the darkness it brought but I never expected things to happen like this. I almost lost my sanity waiting for the light to come back. I did everything I can to avoid boredom – singing, thinking of happy thoughts and butterflies and even walking back and forth.

I was bored to death. Still I was fortunate.  I never thought others would experience something worse than what I could imagine.

My aunt just arrived from Singapore that day and she was suppose to stay with us for quite a while here in Philippines. My parents tried to pick her up at Clark Airbase in Pampanga but since the traffic was very heavy and almost everyone else was stranded in the middle of the storm, they decided to go back home instead and wait for the rain to stop.

The day ended and so as the night but never was the blackout.

September 27, 2009

It was already past 12PM but drowsiness was nowhere in sight. In order to lull myself to sleep, I let the rain flood the streets that night and I let the darkness hide the rain falling down from the clouds. As my regrets and fears occurred to me, my eyes closed at last.

I was hoping good fortune would come for everyone when I wake up.

Much to my dismay, what I hoped for never happened. The lights were still out and I know for myself it will once again be a very long day. Things are a little different but I don’t know if I should be glad at all.

I did nothing worthwhile all morning and all afternoon. The very highlight of the day itself only started by noon, after the sun had set.

My aunt managed to go home by herself earlier that noon and by evening, each one of us had a scary story to tell, a good way to spend the night.

Some decided to go to bed and sleep afterwards while some, including me, decided not to. I don’t know why but maybe I”m waiting for something.

After thirty-three hours of power outage, my long wait came to an end. It was past 10PM. Alas, the light’s back. It was a time to rejoice since the place was back to normal – taking pictures and videos with my aunt’s camera surely was fun.

Everything’s back to how they used to be – only in our case, that is. I couldn’t help but to worry for others. There are a lot things I missed. A lot of things indeed. Events of different shades and hues have happened that are really hard to believe.

How is everyone now? Is everything really okay?

September 28, 2009

*to be continued*

Good Old Days and Rainy Days

You may be thinking beforehand this is but another sad story to tell…
Or something you might have read before… And something you don’t even want to read… So let me say this before anything else – please read on! I know this dusty blog account’s beginning to lose the spirit of that someone who used to be an aspirer and who had the skills to write something unprofessionally. I am no writer nor a poet… But at least I can still write and make poems. My communicating skills doesn’t deserve recognition. I may not be able to speak English articulately and I may be faulty at times, and my words are dull, repetitive and overly used… But does it even matter?

That’s enough for introduction.

I’ve met a lot of different faces and names along my way here. So many, I can’t even recite their names one after another. But I won’t forget them.

Now, if I can divide the people I knew into different groups, this is how I’ll group them – family, kinfolks, childhood friends, high school friends, college friends, classmates, teachers and professors, acquaintances. What else? My friend’s friends, familiar faces and the not-so-familiar-anymore. Sigh. Maybe, to make it simpler – blood-related, friends, and acquaintances, the prominent and the respected school staffs. Okay, enough with the confusing what is and what’s not… I guess it’s a bad idea to group people. Anyway, those faces (excluding those who I still see everyday)… where are they now?

I know someone by the name of miss whatchamacallit (guess who she is) who, by any chance, is on the right track. She knew, for goodness’ sake, she is a better writer than me or anyone else and I believe in her. I don’t have the right to judge her instantaneously, but I know she can become an outstanding writer herself. Where is she now? I don’t know, maybe somewhere inside a girl taking up Journalism in the faraway land of PUP.

I can also remember two best friends who both excel in Arts. Let’s hide them by the name of miss artistic and miss creative. Where are they now? They are currently studying, and needless to say, doing great in pursuing their goals. A good example perhaps for miss whatchamacallit and for me.

I remember someone by the name of mister good. I want to see him again and I miss him a lot, not only for being a very good friend and for cheering me up, but also for being the one of the best man I’ve met. I wonder what he’s doing. Rumor has it he doesn’t eat much anymore. I hope he’s okay!

A lot of names there are indeed but I don’t have to say them all one by one. Let’s just say I don’t know what’s happening to all of them but I wish they’re keeping it up. I’m only depending on rumors (which I know is a bad thing to do) and information I’ve gathered myself.

As for me, you shouldn’t ask. But I’m doing fine.

Last night, thoughts of them flashed on my mind, the reason why I decided to write something today. I remember one night, days before our farewell party, lying steadily on a field of grass amidst the tall and wide buildings, we’re looking far up in the sky and found this strange light that seemed like a star moving from pole to pole up above. “I wonder what that is?”, they thought. I hope I’ll be able to answer them someday. I never know the answer before but I guess I know now. It’s a satellite…

c’est la vie

The frequent drizzle and rain made no excuse for my doing the same old routine on a typical weekday morning.

It seems like I’ll be spending four years of schooling like this, without a single drop of hope of having a regular day I can at least call memorable. At least that’s what the old me would say.

Waking up early in the morning to go to school six days a week, and then going to sleep late that night isn’t so bad. Exciting, isn’t it?

Kidding aside, I just found myself back on the right track. There’s not much of an excitement both in school and at home right now, but I think I can handle it. I also feel my good mood’s coming back, enough to last a year or so.

I had just received a new cellular phone lately. It is probably one of the best gift I received in years.

However, I’m still wondering up to now if I should even try to call or maybe send my old friends a message or two. Maybe not. I’m looking for a reason for them to miss me. We’ll be meeting each other soon anyway. I guess the outcome’s pretty much the same.

Okay, so what now? Uhmm… I don’t know. Can someone help me out?

Oh well… Maybe, everyday will stay as it is, for now.

I’ve been thinking of doing something new lately but I guess it has to wait a little longer.

That’s it for now. Till then.

Color Blindness

I thought maybe it’s just me, and then maybe it isn’t.

The view of that sunset means a lot. Every detail of that event, even though I don’t exactly remember everything, makes up for all those months I missed and all those time I wasted. Just the fact that I am watching the sunset with some of the most valuable people in my life is the only thing I can hold on to. I was happy I am watching the sunset with them, and seeing the sunset on the same perspective and time,  as it disappeared and passed below the horizon. For many, it’s nothing. But for me, It is one of the best moments in my life.

I was always alone and I was used to it. And yes, I tend to cry a lot, maybe more often than little kids do. I usually fall down on my knees, and lament my thoughtless acts, as tears stream down my cheeks. I often pull myself down, and even let others hurt me. I was taught not to fight back even I if I’m beaten. I grew up without knowing how to interact with others. I always try to fit in… I just can’t. I know that I lack self-esteem, and to think that even though I knew about it, I can’t seem to find a remedy. I always try to laugh a lot and make the most out of everything, to the extent that it can almost drive me insane. Or maybe I really am crazy, and maybe I just can’t accept it. Surely that’s who I  ‘was’, maybe even ‘now’, but surely not ‘will be’.

It’s a fact about me that most people cannot see.

I sometimes even question myself, like those people who believe in a possibility that there’s a glitch in their brain, that maybe I really am different. Maybe I just don’t see the world the way most people do, I once thought.

And now, here I am again, doing the same thing I once said I won’t do anymore. Was it once? Or more than that? I forgot. Sorry, I can’t help it.

Now I know, I really don’t see the world the way most people do, both figuratively and literally speaking. And that sunset… I never saw them the way those people did. And it’s really depressing. What’s worst is- it seems like I will never ever see the world as it is.

I am fortunate I am not blind, but still… I can’t seem to understand, of all people, why am I me and not somebody else? I hate myself, but I keep on living life with the belief that something is waiting for me out there, that there’s a future worth living for. I’m really having a hard time now. But I am still living, and I’m glad.

———-

Within three seconds (for each picture), answer the following…

Color vision deficient people have a tendency to better night vision and, in some situations, they can perceive variations in luminosity that color-sighted people could not. Only color blind people can actually read what is written in the picture below… That means, if you fail the test, you probably have the full range of color sensitivity that is attributed to color-sighted people.

What does it say?

Guess what? I can read it… And it says “NO”…

———-

Which one is it?

Now, try and find the image of a dog, a boat, a balloon, or a car on the picture below…

What do you see?

Want to know what image I see? I see nothing…

———-

Reference:

http://www.archimedes-lab.org/colorblindnesstest.html

http://colorvisiontesting.com/online%20test.htm

———-

A Close Look to Rizal High School 6

6th part

4th Year – Buhay Senior

Nais kong sariwain ang lahat sa pamamagitan ng pagsulat, ngunit kailanma’y hindi matatapatan ng isang blog entry ang tunay na mga pangyayari, maging ang kaunting bahagi ng nakaraan ay hindi ko magagawang ibalik. Gayunpaman, nais kong tapusin ang aking nasimulan.

Para maalala ang lahat, aking isinulat ang mga pangyayari sa halos apat na taong pananatili ko sa isa sa mga pinakatanyag na mataas na paaralan sa buong mundo, ang Rizal High School, sa blog na ito. Nais ko muna sanang balikan ang pinakaunang bahagi ng aking isinulat. Nostalgia…

Ang Rizal High School

S.C.E. Science Building 3rd Floor Corridor

Ito ang view noon tuwing umaga sa corridor ng S.C.E. Science Building, kapag hindi pa sumisikat ang araw.

Ito ang madalas naming makita sa bawat pagsikat ng araw noon. Bakit? Dahil dito kami nanatili noon sa loob ng sampung buwan, sa unang room sa 3rd floor. It was considered as the most decorative classroom last year.

Oval

Sa bilog na ito sa isang sulok ng walang sulok na oval kami nagpapalipas ng oras. Palaging nakatipon ang bag namin sa gitna habang ang iba sa amin ay nakaupo sa tabi ng mga bag. Ang ilan, umuupo sa damuhan. Samantalang ang iba, nagliliwaliw sa paligid ng buong oval. Nagtatawanan, o kaya nama’y may siryosong pinag-uusapan.

Hindi tulad noong third year, mas madalang kaming magtipon sa oval o kung hindi ma’y mas maaga kaming umuwi. Namamayagpag na kasi madalas ang mga dakilang guards ng school. Minsan, kami na rin mismo ang dahilan kung bakit hindi na kami nagtatagal sa paborito naming tambayan.

Parang kahapon lang naganap ang lahat. Hindi mo lubos akalaing lilipas ang lahat sa isang iglap. Ironic ang oras, mabagal ‘pag hinihintay mo itong lumipas, mabilis kapag gusto mo itong tumigil. Marami akong bagay na hindi nagawa noon. Kung sa bagay, fourth year ang pinaka-busy sa lahat, may research paper pa rin na mas pinaaga ang pasahan, may mga presentations na hindi mong masyadong mapaghandaan dahil may iba pang kailangan pagkaabalahan. Walang araw na makakapagpahinga ka. Sa kabila ng mga ito, masaya!

Kadalasan, maraming bagay mula noong nakaraang taon ang naiiwanan pagdating ng senior year. Ngayon, may mga naghahabol na sa honors, may mga tao naman na sapat na ang maka-graduate, may ilan na nanatiling utak junior student, at may ilan na wapakels. Saan ka man nabibilang, mapapansin mong iba ang buhay senior, malayong-malayo sa sinasabi mong mas masaya ang huling taon ng pag-aaral sa hayskul.

Pero hindi naman palaging ganoon. Dahil pagdating ng huling tatlong buwan, saka naman nila nari-realize na mayroong kulang, saka sila maghahabol sa mga nasayang na oras, saka sila hihiling na sana tumigil na lang ang pagtakbo nito. Kaso tulad nga ng aking nabanggit, bumibilis ang oras kapag ayaw mo pa itong matapos. Pagkagising mo kinabukasan, nasa ibang lugar ka na, sa isang bagong lugar na mas malapit sa problema’t katotohanan.

‘Yan ang buhay senior! Parang basketball na may last one minute. Kung pwede ka pang humabol, hahabol ka pa. Kung sa bagay, naihahabol naman. Kaso nga lang kadalasa’y talo pa rin ang kinahahantungan ng laban. At least, kahit paano masaya ka, masaya na hindi nasayang ang buong laro, na may babaunin kang aral para sa susunod na laban.

Main Building aka Computer Building

Isang taon na rin pala. Ika-2 ng Abril noong nakaraang taon nang permanente na kaming umalis sa pinakamamahal naming high school life. At saka ko lang rin na-realize na marami pala akong sinayang na pagkakataon.

Naalala ko pa kung gaano kasaya ang huling buwan namin sa senior year–ang Christmas Extravaganza, kung saan ang section namin ang nanguna, ang aming Ballroom Dance presentation sa MAPEH, ang mga book presentations namin na kadalasa’y disaster, kasama na ang opera presentation namin na Hercules at ang presentation naming Titser sa Filipino na pinerform namin sa stage.

Higit sa lahat, hindi ko makakalimutan ang halos walang katapusang movie marathon sa iba’t ibang bahay ng aming mga kaklase at ang mismong araw ng graduation.

S.C.E. Science Building

Nakakatuwa na sa tatlong batch ng mga nagtapos sa high school, tanging sa batch lang namin bumuhos ang malakas na ulan. Masaya rin palang magtapos ng tatlong ulit. Nakakatuwang pumasok sa school para lamang mag-practice ng graduation, paulit-ulit na kumanta ng… I’m dreeeaaaammmiiing in the twilight… Pati maglakad papasok sa Gym at umupo sa harapan, umakyat sa stage sa harapan ng napakaraming estudyante at magulang, suotan ng mga mabibigat na medalya, or kung wala man, makita man lang ang iyong mga kaklase habang kinukuha nila ang kani-kanilang diploma. Last but not the least, napakasaya ng halos walang katapusang picture taking sa tabi ng mga punong nalalagasan na ng mga dahon at maging ang aming huling tambay sa Oval sa ilalim ng palubog na araw.

Maging nang matapos ang graduation, may pahabol pang farewell party. Kita mo nga naman… Tapos na ang basketball game, may nagdi-dribble pa rin ng bola.

Mas maganda man ang buhay junior, masasabi ko pa ring hindi ko kahit kailanman makakalimutan ang aming mga pinagsamahan sa huling taon namin sa hayskul. Nakaka-miss talaga silang lahat!

This may seem like the end of my entry, pero hindi pa, may ihahabol pa ko next time.

**to be continued**