Life in a Hurricane

September 26, 2009

Just as early for the opening of what seemed to be another usual day, I woke up an hour late to attend my first class, Differential Calculus. The first in a million years along the tracks of history.

The swooshing of the wind makes nothing new. “Like every usual day”, I thought. And surely, the things around me proved me right, only for that time however.

Our class was cut short by a couple of hours, ending up in both dismay and excitement. Surely it was a good way to begin the day – waking up late for nothing.

I was happy nonetheless.

We decided to wait for our next class – for four hours to say the least. The day went on smoothly until three words echoed across the halls of our college – CLASSES ARE SUSPENDED.

Great… I should have just stayed home. The rain poured harder outside but what waited outside’s much worse.

I love the rain and the darkness it brought.  The rain calmed down a bit but this time, in an almost never-ending cycle. One after the other, the rain began flooding the streets, our university’s canteen and the main building. Just outside our campus, the flood, already about knee-high, kept on growing higher each hour. The streets called a large crowd- jeepneys, tricycles and other kinds of vehicles queued up along the streets due to the heavy traffic caused by the flood. It was a good thing Ivan’s parents came to pick us up with their two tricycles. With the flood rising up, every time and just as soon as the water hits the exhaust of the tricycle, it would evaporate into a thick gray steam and cover my face. It was as if the tricycle was caught on fire. A lot of things have happened on our way home and it would take one whole day to narrate it all. At least, Ivan , Arnie and me got home safely. We were worried about the others though.

Bad luck didn’t end there. At home, I decided to sit down for a while to condition myself after a short but tiring day. Just as soon as I sat down, the lights went out and all else went to a shutdown. A massive power failure began. It was a complete blackout and I hate it. It was not too long till everything else followed. No PSPs, no cellphones, no computer and no televisions. Just the darkness and the rain.

From then on, the sky never smiled again. I love the rain and the darkness it brought but I never expected things to happen like this. I almost lost my sanity waiting for the light to come back. I did everything I can to avoid boredom – singing, thinking of happy thoughts and butterflies and even walking back and forth.

I was bored to death. Still I was fortunate.  I never thought others would experience something worse than what I could imagine.

My aunt just arrived from Singapore that day and she was suppose to stay with us for quite a while here in Philippines. My parents tried to pick her up at Clark Airbase in Pampanga but since the traffic was very heavy and almost everyone else was stranded in the middle of the storm, they decided to go back home instead and wait for the rain to stop.

The day ended and so as the night but never was the blackout.

September 27, 2009

It was already past 12PM but drowsiness was nowhere in sight. In order to lull myself to sleep, I let the rain flood the streets that night and I let the darkness hide the rain falling down from the clouds. As my regrets and fears occurred to me, my eyes closed at last.

I was hoping good fortune would come for everyone when I wake up.

Much to my dismay, what I hoped for never happened. The lights were still out and I know for myself it will once again be a very long day. Things are a little different but I don’t know if I should be glad at all.

I did nothing worthwhile all morning and all afternoon. The very highlight of the day itself only started by noon, after the sun had set.

My aunt managed to go home by herself earlier that noon and by evening, each one of us had a scary story to tell, a good way to spend the night.

Some decided to go to bed and sleep afterwards while some, including me, decided not to. I don’t know why but maybe I”m waiting for something.

After thirty-three hours of power outage, my long wait came to an end. It was past 10PM. Alas, the light’s back. It was a time to rejoice since the place was back to normal – taking pictures and videos with my aunt’s camera surely was fun.

Everything’s back to how they used to be – only in our case, that is. I couldn’t help but to worry for others. There are a lot things I missed. A lot of things indeed. Events of different shades and hues have happened that are really hard to believe.

How is everyone now? Is everything really okay?

September 28, 2009

*to be continued*

Good Old Days and Rainy Days

You may be thinking beforehand this is but another sad story to tell…
Or something you might have read before… And something you don’t even want to read… So let me say this before anything else – please read on! I know this dusty blog account’s beginning to lose the spirit of that someone who used to be an aspirer and who had the skills to write something unprofessionally. I am no writer nor a poet… But at least I can still write and make poems. My communicating skills doesn’t deserve recognition. I may not be able to speak English articulately and I may be faulty at times, and my words are dull, repetitive and overly used… But does it even matter?

That’s enough for introduction.

I’ve met a lot of different faces and names along my way here. So many, I can’t even recite their names one after another. But I won’t forget them.

Now, if I can divide the people I knew into different groups, this is how I’ll group them – family, kinfolks, childhood friends, high school friends, college friends, classmates, teachers and professors, acquaintances. What else? My friend’s friends, familiar faces and the not-so-familiar-anymore. Sigh. Maybe, to make it simpler – blood-related, friends, and acquaintances, the prominent and the respected school staffs. Okay, enough with the confusing what is and what’s not… I guess it’s a bad idea to group people. Anyway, those faces (excluding those who I still see everyday)… where are they now?

I know someone by the name of miss whatchamacallit (guess who she is) who, by any chance, is on the right track. She knew, for goodness’ sake, she is a better writer than me or anyone else and I believe in her. I don’t have the right to judge her instantaneously, but I know she can become an outstanding writer herself. Where is she now? I don’t know, maybe somewhere inside a girl taking up Journalism in the faraway land of PUP.

I can also remember two best friends who both excel in Arts. Let’s hide them by the name of miss artistic and miss creative. Where are they now? They are currently studying, and needless to say, doing great in pursuing their goals. A good example perhaps for miss whatchamacallit and for me.

I remember someone by the name of mister good. I want to see him again and I miss him a lot, not only for being a very good friend and for cheering me up, but also for being the one of the best man I’ve met. I wonder what he’s doing. Rumor has it he doesn’t eat much anymore. I hope he’s okay!

A lot of names there are indeed but I don’t have to say them all one by one. Let’s just say I don’t know what’s happening to all of them but I wish they’re keeping it up. I’m only depending on rumors (which I know is a bad thing to do) and information I’ve gathered myself.

As for me, you shouldn’t ask. But I’m doing fine.

Last night, thoughts of them flashed on my mind, the reason why I decided to write something today. I remember one night, days before our farewell party, lying steadily on a field of grass amidst the tall and wide buildings, we’re looking far up in the sky and found this strange light that seemed like a star moving from pole to pole up above. “I wonder what that is?”, they thought. I hope I’ll be able to answer them someday. I never know the answer before but I guess I know now. It’s a satellite…

c’est la vie

The frequent drizzle and rain made no excuse for my doing the same old routine on a typical weekday morning.

It seems like I’ll be spending four years of schooling like this, without a single drop of hope of having a regular day I can at least call memorable. At least that’s what the old me would say.

Waking up early in the morning to go to school six days a week, and then going to sleep late that night isn’t so bad. Exciting, isn’t it?

Kidding aside, I just found myself back on the right track. There’s not much of an excitement both in school and at home right now, but I think I can handle it. I also feel my good mood’s coming back, enough to last a year or so.

I had just received a new cellular phone lately. It is probably one of the best gift I received in years.

However, I’m still wondering up to now if I should even try to call or maybe send my old friends a message or two. Maybe not. I’m looking for a reason for them to miss me. We’ll be meeting each other soon anyway. I guess the outcome’s pretty much the same.

Okay, so what now? Uhmm… I don’t know. Can someone help me out?

Oh well… Maybe, everyday will stay as it is, for now.

I’ve been thinking of doing something new lately but I guess it has to wait a little longer.

That’s it for now. Till then.

Color Blindness

I thought maybe it’s just me, and then maybe it isn’t.

The view of that sunset means a lot. Every detail of that event, even though I don’t exactly remember everything, makes up for all those months I missed and all those time I wasted. Just the fact that I am watching the sunset with some of the most valuable people in my life is the only thing I can hold on to. I was happy I am watching the sunset with them, and seeing the sunset on the same perspective and time,  as it disappeared and passed below the horizon. For many, it’s nothing. But for me, It is one of the best moments in my life.

I was always alone and I was used to it. And yes, I tend to cry a lot, maybe more often than little kids do. I usually fall down on my knees, and lament my thoughtless acts, as tears stream down my cheeks. I often pull myself down, and even let others hurt me. I was taught not to fight back even I if I’m beaten. I grew up without knowing how to interact with others. I always try to fit in… I just can’t. I know that I lack self-esteem, and to think that even though I knew about it, I can’t seem to find a remedy. I always try to laugh a lot and make the most out of everything, to the extent that it can almost drive me insane. Or maybe I really am crazy, and maybe I just can’t accept it. Surely that’s who I  ‘was’, maybe even ‘now’, but surely not ‘will be’.

It’s a fact about me that most people cannot see.

I sometimes even question myself, like those people who believe in a possibility that there’s a glitch in their brain, that maybe I really am different. Maybe I just don’t see the world the way most people do, I once thought.

And now, here I am again, doing the same thing I once said I won’t do anymore. Was it once? Or more than that? I forgot. Sorry, I can’t help it.

Now I know, I really don’t see the world the way most people do, both figuratively and literally speaking. And that sunset… I never saw them the way those people did. And it’s really depressing. What’s worst is- it seems like I will never ever see the world as it is.

I am fortunate I am not blind, but still… I can’t seem to understand, of all people, why am I me and not somebody else? I hate myself, but I keep on living life with the belief that something is waiting for me out there, that there’s a future worth living for. I’m really having a hard time now. But I am still living, and I’m glad.

———-

Within three seconds (for each picture), answer the following…

Color vision deficient people have a tendency to better night vision and, in some situations, they can perceive variations in luminosity that color-sighted people could not. Only color blind people can actually read what is written in the picture below… That means, if you fail the test, you probably have the full range of color sensitivity that is attributed to color-sighted people.

What does it say?

Guess what? I can read it… And it says “NO”…

———-

Which one is it?

Now, try and find the image of a dog, a boat, a balloon, or a car on the picture below…

What do you see?

Want to know what image I see? I see nothing…

———-

Reference:

http://www.archimedes-lab.org/colorblindnesstest.html

http://colorvisiontesting.com/online%20test.htm

———-

A Close Look to Rizal High School 6

6th part

4th Year – Buhay Senior

Nais kong sariwain ang lahat sa pamamagitan ng pagsulat, ngunit kailanma’y hindi matatapatan ng isang blog entry ang tunay na mga pangyayari, maging ang kaunting bahagi ng nakaraan ay hindi ko magagawang ibalik. Gayunpaman, nais kong tapusin ang aking nasimulan.

Para maalala ang lahat, aking isinulat ang mga pangyayari sa halos apat na taong pananatili ko sa isa sa mga pinakatanyag na mataas na paaralan sa buong mundo, ang Rizal High School, sa blog na ito. Nais ko muna sanang balikan ang pinakaunang bahagi ng aking isinulat. Nostalgia…

Ang Rizal High School

S.C.E. Science Building 3rd Floor Corridor

Ito ang view noon tuwing umaga sa corridor ng S.C.E. Science Building, kapag hindi pa sumisikat ang araw.

Ito ang madalas naming makita sa bawat pagsikat ng araw noon. Bakit? Dahil dito kami nanatili noon sa loob ng sampung buwan, sa unang room sa 3rd floor. It was considered as the most decorative classroom last year.

Oval

Sa bilog na ito sa isang sulok ng walang sulok na oval kami nagpapalipas ng oras. Palaging nakatipon ang bag namin sa gitna habang ang iba sa amin ay nakaupo sa tabi ng mga bag. Ang ilan, umuupo sa damuhan. Samantalang ang iba, nagliliwaliw sa paligid ng buong oval. Nagtatawanan, o kaya nama’y may siryosong pinag-uusapan.

Hindi tulad noong third year, mas madalang kaming magtipon sa oval o kung hindi ma’y mas maaga kaming umuwi. Namamayagpag na kasi madalas ang mga dakilang guards ng school. Minsan, kami na rin mismo ang dahilan kung bakit hindi na kami nagtatagal sa paborito naming tambayan.

Parang kahapon lang naganap ang lahat. Hindi mo lubos akalaing lilipas ang lahat sa isang iglap. Ironic ang oras, mabagal ‘pag hinihintay mo itong lumipas, mabilis kapag gusto mo itong tumigil. Marami akong bagay na hindi nagawa noon. Kung sa bagay, fourth year ang pinaka-busy sa lahat, may research paper pa rin na mas pinaaga ang pasahan, may mga presentations na hindi mong masyadong mapaghandaan dahil may iba pang kailangan pagkaabalahan. Walang araw na makakapagpahinga ka. Sa kabila ng mga ito, masaya!

Kadalasan, maraming bagay mula noong nakaraang taon ang naiiwanan pagdating ng senior year. Ngayon, may mga naghahabol na sa honors, may mga tao naman na sapat na ang maka-graduate, may ilan na nanatiling utak junior student, at may ilan na wapakels. Saan ka man nabibilang, mapapansin mong iba ang buhay senior, malayong-malayo sa sinasabi mong mas masaya ang huling taon ng pag-aaral sa hayskul.

Pero hindi naman palaging ganoon. Dahil pagdating ng huling tatlong buwan, saka naman nila nari-realize na mayroong kulang, saka sila maghahabol sa mga nasayang na oras, saka sila hihiling na sana tumigil na lang ang pagtakbo nito. Kaso tulad nga ng aking nabanggit, bumibilis ang oras kapag ayaw mo pa itong matapos. Pagkagising mo kinabukasan, nasa ibang lugar ka na, sa isang bagong lugar na mas malapit sa problema’t katotohanan.

‘Yan ang buhay senior! Parang basketball na may last one minute. Kung pwede ka pang humabol, hahabol ka pa. Kung sa bagay, naihahabol naman. Kaso nga lang kadalasa’y talo pa rin ang kinahahantungan ng laban. At least, kahit paano masaya ka, masaya na hindi nasayang ang buong laro, na may babaunin kang aral para sa susunod na laban.

Main Building aka Computer Building

Isang taon na rin pala. Ika-2 ng Abril noong nakaraang taon nang permanente na kaming umalis sa pinakamamahal naming high school life. At saka ko lang rin na-realize na marami pala akong sinayang na pagkakataon.

Naalala ko pa kung gaano kasaya ang huling buwan namin sa senior year–ang Christmas Extravaganza, kung saan ang section namin ang nanguna, ang aming Ballroom Dance presentation sa MAPEH, ang mga book presentations namin na kadalasa’y disaster, kasama na ang opera presentation namin na Hercules at ang presentation naming Titser sa Filipino na pinerform namin sa stage.

Higit sa lahat, hindi ko makakalimutan ang halos walang katapusang movie marathon sa iba’t ibang bahay ng aming mga kaklase at ang mismong araw ng graduation.

S.C.E. Science Building

Nakakatuwa na sa tatlong batch ng mga nagtapos sa high school, tanging sa batch lang namin bumuhos ang malakas na ulan. Masaya rin palang magtapos ng tatlong ulit. Nakakatuwang pumasok sa school para lamang mag-practice ng graduation, paulit-ulit na kumanta ng… I’m dreeeaaaammmiiing in the twilight… Pati maglakad papasok sa Gym at umupo sa harapan, umakyat sa stage sa harapan ng napakaraming estudyante at magulang, suotan ng mga mabibigat na medalya, or kung wala man, makita man lang ang iyong mga kaklase habang kinukuha nila ang kani-kanilang diploma. Last but not the least, napakasaya ng halos walang katapusang picture taking sa tabi ng mga punong nalalagasan na ng mga dahon at maging ang aming huling tambay sa Oval sa ilalim ng palubog na araw.

Maging nang matapos ang graduation, may pahabol pang farewell party. Kita mo nga naman… Tapos na ang basketball game, may nagdi-dribble pa rin ng bola.

Mas maganda man ang buhay junior, masasabi ko pa ring hindi ko kahit kailanman makakalimutan ang aming mga pinagsamahan sa huling taon namin sa hayskul. Nakaka-miss talaga silang lahat!

This may seem like the end of my entry, pero hindi pa, may ihahabol pa ko next time.

**to be continued**

Bitter Uprise and Sweet Downfall

2nd Week of March, 2009

Pi-el-pi Foundation week

The busiest week was over and done. Everything is back to normal.

Being at home by 4 o’clock in the morning isn’t bad after all; only the pain, thirst, hunger and fatigue worried me. Nonetheless, a cup of coffee and a piece of my favorite chocolate snack was enough to last a day.

After two days of few sleep and another two days of not sleeping at all, BSECE ended up losing to BSN in this year’s foundation week’s cheer dance competition. We lost but we’re satisfied. It was a great experience and I guess this year, nothing could ever be better.

March 14, 2009

Sunday

Today, I am in the mood to write something.

Maybe because I’m once again caught up in a very depressing situation and I really can’t help but write about it.

I will not tell the whole story because for sure, it would take a lifetime doing so.

Today is but another special day because starting today, we’re no longer friends.

It is sad but it is true.

For six months, she has been ignoring me.

I believed I can work things out but I guess I really can’t, and now I’m giving up.

We’ve been friends since high school.

Needless to say, she’s one of the few people I admire, one of the friends I met during my third year in high school.

One of the friends I treasure most.

But she never thought the same towards me.

We will be dramatizing Ang Bagong Paraiso by Efren Abueg this Monday for our Philippine Literature subject and I am assigned as the leader once again. The problem is the members of my group don’t respect me and that would include her. I can no longer do anything about it though. If they don’t want me to lead, so be it. I’m used to it anyway.

I got home very early today because I have run out of things to do.

Here’s another thing I want to mention, though it’s nothing at all.

Why? It is because it’s bothering me.

Just a while ago, I realized I never really liked chocolate.

Chocolates are supposed to be bitter, not sweet.

It’s up to you if you understand why it bothers me.

Either way, it’s just the same.

March 15, 2009

Sunday

Today’s the day we’re supposed to have our first and foremost practice. We’re supposed to meet at one o’clock. But I woke up really late today and just the same, I’m late for our practice. I was once again correct. They never waited for me at all in our meeting place. I tried to look for them but failed and so the day ended with me thinking about what will happen the following day.

March 16, 2009
Monday

And so another long day had passed. We had our final exams today for five different subjects, and as I’ve stated before, today’s also the day for our long-awaited presentation, or more preferably, presentation (PERIOD). I was at school early by one hour, maybe because I felt like they would need my help. But my group members were much earlier. They even looked like they already know what they’re doing. I had already played my part as a director (or a supporter, to say the least). Now, it’s their time for them to play theirs.
All I have to do then was to watch and probably, to hope that they would be able to follow what I’ve told them perfectly.

And so came the moment of truth. Roll the drums.

I’ve told them five important things to follow, from the very beginning–

1. Observe blocking.
2. Be the character you portray.
3. Never laugh if you’re not supposed to.
4. Deliver every lines clearly and audibly.
5. Never forget the script.

Of these five things, they didn’t follow a single one.

Our presentation was good.
And “good”, for me,  is never enough.

One of my members told me it was great.
Yeah, sure it was great.
“Great” for those who never saw our presentations during high school.
“Great” for those who think “good” is enough.

For me, it was a complete disaster.

We got 43 out of 50 while two other groups who came unprepared got 41  and 42 and another group who presented “Ang Alamat ng Pinya” also got 43.

Sabi ko na dapat “Si Juan Tamad” na lang ang sa amin e para punong-puno ng art. :p

Kaysa naman sa subukan mong gumamit ng magandang kwento at gumawa ng magandang script na hindi man lamang isinasapuso ng lahat ng members mo (except her siguro and another member).

Disappointing talaga… T_________T

Buti na lang madali ang finals.

Makabawi na nga lang ‘dun! Haaaayyyy!

If

—————–
Sad thoughts…
They never left me…
Especially these past few months…
So I preferred not to think…

Just live life…
Let life be…
Live…
And live more…
—————–
All those time…
I left myself excessively sentimental…
Until something enlightened me…
When I remembered something…
Something that happened way back then…

It’s about ten years now…
Ten years…

Something struck my mind…
Probabilities…
And What-might-be’s that never occurred…
—————–
If…
Just if…

Imagine the circumstances…

What if… we never met each other?
You never knew me…
And I never knew you…
How will our world’s turn?
Will it still be the same?
—————–
It was 1999 when we moved here from Makati…
I was 7 years old then…
Young and innocent…

Before we moved here…
Everything feels right…
It was a perfect childhood, they say…
And now, whenever, I think of it…
I can’t help but agree…

They’re right…
It was perfect…
—————–
I was six when I first met real friends…
My childhood friends, to say the least…
They never left me…
And I never left them…
We’re always together…
Best friends…

But it never lasted long…

When we moved, I have no choice but to leave them…
I never even had the chance to say goodbye…
Somehow, I believe I’ll be able to go back and see them again someday…
I was a kid, and optimistic…
—————–
And so the sun set…
And rose again…
And set…and rose…and set…
And the rest was history…

I was able to survive a decade barely thinking of them…
I never forgot their name, however…
Their faces…
And a picture or two…
Of little kids I never forgot, and someone else…
A boy, age of six, who looked like me…
But undeniably, a lot better…
—————–
Last week…
While doing the script for our upcoming class presentation,
As well as organizing my friendster photos…
Another idea struck me…

I’ve never realized this before…
Why not try to look for them on the web?
It took me years to figure things out…
Silly me…

After a couple of tries, then another…
I succeeded…

I was overwhelmed when I saw a familiar face…
It was him…
My friend…
My first best friend…

I didn’t know if he can still remember me…
But without thinking twice, I did what I have to…

I also sent him a message…
Just trying to give him a hint…
And hoping he does remember…
—————–
It took only a day for him to reply…
Just a possibility…
But I believed he will remember…

Once again, it was what I expected…
I was right…

He never forgot about me…

I was relieved…
At least…

When I checked out his account, I saw pictures of him and my old school…
His new friends…
And their laughter…

But it’s alright…
That’s how things should go…
—————–
Today is his birthday…
I had just found out a while ago…
Coincidence?
Maybe yes…
Maybe no…

Happy birthday, old friend!
—————–
Now let me ask you again…

What if I never met you?
And me and them never got separated?
Which would be better?
Spending all these ten years with them or with you?
—————–
Never mind…
I know the answer anyway…

Either way, I know I’ll be happy…
I’m glad we had moved…
I was happy and lucky…
Lucky to have met them…
And to meet you as well…

Now I’m alright…
And I’ve never felt better…

This time….
All I have to do is choose…
Again…
And hope that whatever road I choose will be what’s right…

To strive for a dream or to keep on dreaming?
To keep on moving or just let life be?
I think I know the answer, do you?

A Close Look to Rizal High School 5.5

The green prairie lies low

Not far from that view.

Tall grass by the meadow

Set the old stacks anew.

In every seconds’ a story,

Taking lifetimes to hear.

This the swift breeze will carry,

‘long the waves loud and clear.

Long tales of where and when

Tales not Roman nor Greek,

From those who just listen

To them who just speak.

Every single tick of the clock is worth waiting for. Each passing by indefinitely as far as one could ever remember. Precious, even. It’s hard to miss anything. Not unless you desire to.

The life of a junior student is far more different than the preceding years. Things got harder yet remained just as valuable. The hardship? That I cannot deny. But beyond this are very special moments. I can still hear our laughter as if it just happened, lying fresh in my memory and engraved deeply on my heart.

Back then, a day would usually start at the Science Building for our Chemistry subject and end at the I.R. Building with English as our last subject (if I still remember it right). We, needless to say, would most probably begin the day sitting idly and comfortably at our wooden laboratory chairs and do one of two things. Some, most of the time, would just stare blankly at our adviser or more often, at the white board in front while some would dare to listen. Either way, the results are the same– vagueness and/or confusion. However, many prefer to have themselves ready for a long discussion (their own discussions, I mean) about certain things more interesting than chemistry or so it seemed back then.

After our first period, we will have a short recess and at the same time, a long trip to the other building mentioned earlier. From there on, time will pass a little faster. Many will wonder why (probably as a natural response). It was because from there on, loud chuckles and soft chit-chats are allowed and are widely accepted (most of the time). But most important of all, those happy moments will take place on one of the most memorable room I have ever been to. The story bounded by the four walls of that four-cornered class room is about different personalities who, by any chances, built a strong and everlasting bond among themselves.

I can only hope that that bond is never really forgotten and that the different people who built it also feel and think the same way towards what they built, that they treasure it like I do and that that bond will truly last forever.

Do you remember those days? How we shared each moments? When we used to act as little kids… When we first became friends…

Do you still remember the day when we once again met each other? What chances did it have? For the second time… We’ve met…

We were all very different… Both familiar and new faces alike… But from then on… All of us… Friends…

Oh man! We were all crazy and melodramatic then (perhaps, even until now). Or maybe just young and naive… What used to lie ahead never really mattered…

Once the day was over, our own day was just about to begin.

**to be continued**

Seven Dreams

After six weeks of my being nowhere to be found, I decided to write something for the month of October.
I just thought it could help a little to write something once in a while.
Anyway, this entry is a bit personal, focusing on my nonsensical dream (or dreams, should I say) from my childhood days up to now.

About seven things I wanted,
One conclusion I am positive,
I wanted to be ’someone’.

Brought up from my childhood years, I developed this desire for something.
I dream dreams, dreams that are proofs of my being a ‘perfect dreamer’.

I grew up fond of school.
I grew up fond of spending my whole life answering different questions I cannot answer.
I grew up eager to be successful.

Of seven ’someone’ I wanted to be,

All this I thought I’ll be…

First, I want to be the best engineer in the whole world.
A ’someone’ who would create something special, that all the people around him would be proud of.
I want to be this ’someone’ so badly.
And now as I am on my way to become that ’someone’, I realized that this craving can now only make me jittery.

Second, I want to be a doctor respected by most
And save lives by the millions,
Create miracles with my own two hands, perhaps.
Things that seem impossible to do.
Creating miracles?
It would take a miracle to create one.

Third, I want to be a novelist (or a poet, if not),
Convey what I feel,
Write anything I could think of,
Inspire all who read my works
And touch their hearts;
Akin to how different people inspired me and touched my heart.
I may have the passion for writing, but I don’t have the pen to write.
What if I fail?
What if I don’t?

Next, I want to be an educator,
Teach the youth (and call them my own pupils),
Share them my knowledge,
And help them reach their dreams,
Like how the teachers I once had taught the kid I once was.
And probably, just hope that they’ll remember me.

Also, I want to be a video and computer game designer (or developer),
Let my playful imaginations run wild (in a positive way),
Make children happy,
And maybe, teach them this way.
Similar to how it did when I was still a kid.

I also want to be a an stage actor (or better),
And yes, it is silly
And almost impossible,
But I also want to inspire people this way.
Imagining myself as one always draw a smile on my face.

Lastly, I want to be a singer (or a composer).
I want to sing different songs I wrote
And hope listeners would like them.
There is not a single day I can’t hear music in my head.
It feels like music had become a big part of my life as soon as I got acquainted with it.
The songs I listen to always echo in my head, as if they’re waiting for me to sing them.
I may not have the best voice (an overstatement) or even a good one, but I love music more than anyone else.
Why can’t I give it a try?

If not,
I would rather be just a part of a crowd.
A crowd wherein I could be me,
The ‘me’ no one knew,
The ‘me’ I’m unable to be,
And the ‘me’ I believe (even until now) I’ll soon be.

Just An Artless Writing

A day in my life right now, is simply a recollection of the days when I was still a part of that crowd…
The past remain with me…
Though I almost forgot everything…
I am here…
Talking about those silly things again…
Those silly things my heart long for…
My life is not different to a collage…
A collage of the people I’ve met, of the places I’ve been to, and of the moments I’ve always been thinking of…
It’s all coming back to me…
All at once…

I’m beginning to let go…
But my heart kept me holding on…
I want to see all of us again…
On those special places…

If the hands of time would ever turn against its ceaseless flow…
I would be leaving myself undecided…
I would feel no guilt that way…
Because that is really what I want things to be…
Like those days…