Posted in Uncategorized with tags on Enero 26, 2014 by westwind

I’ve come to a point where I don’t want to say anything to anyone anymore.
I’d rather sit idly on the sofa or better yet, just sleep my way through life.

I have seen and met a lot of people and now I’ve realized how feeble-minded we are. Admit it. We do not decide on things and react on different situations based on our own understanding of right and wrong, but based on which is more beneficial and which is more socially acceptable. We are so used in prioritizing ourselves more than others simply because we are built that way. We’d rather do things instinctively. We are either like wild animals or preset robots. Many may probably disagree with me but hey, that’s how I see things now. 

I have grown tired of listening to the stupid conversations of mature people about silly immature stuff like engaging in premarital sex and using illegal drugs; and the seemingly endless counter-intuitive arguments about finding other people’s faults and imperfections. 

I have grown tired of foolish teenagers who believe in make-believe fairy tales and mindlessly think of love as such.

I have grown tired of misunderstanding and misinformation.

I have grown tired of idealists who do nothing and realists who don’t think.

I have grown tired of hypocrites with superiority complex whose actions say otherwise.

I have grown tired of bullies and people who look down on others.

I have grown tired of religious hypocrites who praise their idols and cling to their own versions of gods just so they can repeatedly sin and ask for forgiveness. 

I have grown tired of fake people who use and deceive others for their own welfare.

I have of grown tired of imperfect perfectionists and biased critics.

I have grown tired of rebellious children and overprotective parents who never taught their children anything about life.

I have grown tired of corrupt governments and undisciplined citizens who blames the government but not their own incompetence. 

I have grown tired of the pathetic scum of the earth who promote crime, disorder and conflict just for the heck of it.

I have grown tired of hierarchical bullshits and inequality.

I have grown tired of sexists, racists, academic and non-academic elitists and other variations thereof.

I have grown tired of social norms or standards.

I have grown tired of the animalistic concept of survival of the fittest.

I have grown tired of using human nature or stupidity as a Freudian excuse.

And lastly, I have grown tired of myself.

Why can’t we just be responsible and disciplined masters of ourselves and critics of our own actions?
All this makes me want to admit to myself that I’ve lost all hopes in mankind.

And now, I’ve come to a point where I don’t want to say anything to anyone anymore.
I’d rather sit idly on the sofa or better yet, just sleep sound on the bed and sleep my way through life.

I was there

Posted in Thoughts on Disyembre 22, 2013 by westwind

And not there at the same time.

Have I always been like that? Insignificant, boring and forgettable.

I think differently, and I have no idea if it’s a bad thing, but most often than not, I feel like it really is a bad thing.

I am different, much like a flawed mechanism or something, or a dysfunctional machine. Good for nothing, so to speak.

However…

After more than twenty years, I finally realized something I’m good at – something that only I can do.

Please read on and close your eyes…

I have a superpower.

It laid dormant within me for quite a long time, but now it’s clear to me…

I can turn invisible.

With this ability,  I can go anywhere and do anything without anyone ever knowing.

I was there, and not there at the same time.

Time for Change

Posted in College Life, Thoughts on Hulyo 31, 2012 by westwind

Just when I thought I’m finally done with “politics”, here I am still thinking of the the same delusional ideas of changing the world one word at a time by getting involved again in the very thing I have sworn to stay away from…*cough*…. “politics”.

Much to my chagrin, I have finally learned to embrace a miserable life and accepted the consequences of my actions. And since I’m so used to cracking jokes much worse than outworn slapstick, I think I am exaggerating the situation too much again. Aside from having my entire college life in a mess, I’m bound for more trouble this year.

My term as the vice president for academic affairs of our college organization was about to end but nothing much has changed since my first day as an officer. Nothing gained. Nothing lost. Nothing risked. I played safe. The college remained as empty and restrained as before. Daydreaming, this silly side of me decided to make a fool of himself once again and run for the same position this year. If that doesn’t sound foolish enough, I have decided to create and join a new party against my former co-officers.

This is where the complicated story of a fifth year college student begins.

Love at First Sight

Posted in Poetry on Hunyo 13, 2012 by westwind

Milosc od pierwszego wejrzenia
By Wisława Szymborska

Both are convinced
that a sudden surge of emotion bound them together.
Beautiful is such a certainty,
but uncertainty is more beautiful.

Because they didn’t know each other earlier, they suppose that
nothing was happening between them.
What of the streets, stairways and corridors
where they could have passed each other long ago?

I’d like to ask them
whether they remember– perhaps in a revolving door
ever being face to face?
an “excuse me” in a crowd
or a voice “wrong number” in the receiver.
But I know their answer:
no, they don’t remember.

They’d be greatly astonished
to learn that for a long time
chance had been playing with them.

Not yet wholly ready
to transform into fate for them
it approached them, then backed off,
stood in their way
and, suppressing a giggle,
jumped to the side.

There were signs, signals:
but what of it if they were illegible.
Perhaps three years ago,
or last Tuesday
did a certain leaflet fly
from shoulder to shoulder?
There was something lost and picked up.
Who knows but what it was a ball
in the bushes of childhood.

There were doorknobs and bells
on which earlier
touch piled on touch.
Bags beside each other in the luggage room.
Perhaps they had the same dream on a certain night,
suddenly erased after waking.

Every beginning
is but a continuation,
and the book of events
is never more than half open.

(Translated by: Walter Whipple)

Black in Blue

Posted in College Life, Current Events, Kwentong High School, Rewind, Thoughts on Agosto 31, 2011 by westwind

It was a loss after another. Failing four consecutive competitions in a row never gave me even the slightest chance to retaliate. It was like joining a battle of honor with nothing but a blunt dagger, like fighting in a war where you’re most likely gonna die in the end, like hanging by a thread in a do-or-die situation.

Back in high school, quiz bees were nothing but pastime. I used to win most of the time, something not commonly achieved by a regular student who just began joining this type of competition. But now that I’ve come to think of it, I only won local quiz bees so far, all related with Math, the ones held within your school campus and you’re against other sections of the same year (if you don’t count a spelling bee and an essay-writing contest I joined in where I did a commendable job). The only thing I can really be proud of I guess is competing in a local quiz bee at the largest high school in the country. It’s not that I’m really good in Mathematics just so you know, I only know how to enjoy and take my time solving mathematical problems. In the end, I only win first place against students on the same curriculum, that means excluding the smartest folks in the entire campus. I have no right to boast anything after all.

Aside from getting an exceptionally high score in both  the National Career Examination Exam (NCAE) and the National Secondary Aptitude Test (NSAT) and graduating from high school with honors, I don’t have anything I can call an achievement at all. But failures – I have many. I failed the University of the Philippines College Admission Test (UPCAT) due to a rare disease called temporary stupidity and failed even the profoundly easy (opinion-wise) Polytechnic University of the Philippines College Entrance Test (PUPCET) as well due to a technical glitch known as I’m-destined-to-fail-because-of-a-not-so-smart-proctor, which mainly became the reason why I ended up studying in a still young and little university near our place after passing its entrance exam with relative ease and an interview with a “highly-recommended” remark.

Starting from the baby steps again sure was frustrating but alas comes a challenge I can never ignore – a challenge that will test not only my skills and mental capability as a student but my morality as a person as well –  that is, to endure, persevere, and survive five years of more frustration and lots of regret.

Now after, excelling a little in class, acquiring consistent positive grades every semester and being academically active, I was able to have another shot to prove my worth once more (more precisely, four times and counting…). Or should I say, prove that the only thing I’m really good at is failing.

Last year, I had my first attempt to glory by joining the 2010 Inter-University Physics Quiz Show held at the Technological University of the Philippines (TUP) – Manila. Each participating university must register a group of two members, I happen to be one of the two and together with a fellow third year student, we brought home the…uhm…a  pair of souvenir shirt and a pair of certificate of participation. It was one heck of a ride. We came unprepared, we admit… And the only Physics subject I’m familiar with, Mechanics, betrayed us. We had our alibis then, we’re found not guilty.  It was alright to make mistake every once in a while, right? That was what I thought. However, what happened next was beyond me.

Fun fact no. 1: By any circumstance (or you may call it, destiny), I was able to reunite with a very familiar person here. More on this from my other entry “Forecast”.

TUP-Manila

I decided to proceed with my plan for revenge and world domination by winning the 38th Annual Nationwide Search for the Math Wizard held at UP-Diliman (a place that brings back nothing but bad memories) earlier this year. This time, like the battle before it and as I sounded like a TV program’s simple-minded villain, it was a sad conclusion to share that I never had the privilege to be the last one standing and the one who laughs an evil laugh in the end. The competition was so difficult I almost regret joining. In this mission impossible, I was accompanied by two students from BS Math and and a senior from the same college. It was an individual competition where you solve 50 difficult math questions (if my memory serves me  right) with no calculator and with each incorrect answer subtracted from your total score. Easy, right? Yeah, easier said than done. But wait, that’s just for the elimination round. The semi-finals will only have 24 participants, namely those who got the highest score from the previous round (those who were not eliminated). This time, doodling in the air was also prohibited and it’s a buzz-in type. Speaking of solving mentally and the search for the next Math wizard…*sigh*. Only six contestants (again, I’m not sure) will proceed to the final round and only one winner will emerge in the end.

Fun fact no. 2: I still don’t get it but for unknown reasons, the competition took place at the same building where I took the UPCAT.

UP-Diliman

—————————————

I found two articles from Adamson University’s official website, http://www.adamson.edu.ph, that instantly caught my attention. Note that these articles are not mine, I’ve decided to include sections from these articles in this entry only for the sole purpose of having to show everyone, including myself, two articles that will somewhat (and somehow) serve both as a reminder and a proof of my being a big loser. I put all the reminders in bold just in case.

“Two Engineering students from Adamson University toppled the competition at the Inter-University Physics Quiz Bee held at the Technological University of the Philippines campus in Manila last February 16

Coming in second after AdU was Technological Institute of the Philippines – Quezon City while Far Eastern University – East Asia College landed in third place.”

And here’s the second one…

“Another Adamsonian also made waves at the 38th Annual Nationwide Search for the Math Wizard held at the University of the Philippines-Diliman last February 12. Ronald Dee, a fourth year Mechanical Engineering student, was awarded a certificate for being the Highest Pointer in the Elimination Round of the contest where he beat 340 other participants from the top universities in the country. Dee was joined by Puebla in the contest to represent Adamson, and together they were also among the top 24 contestants. The competition was sponsored by the UP Mathematics Club. MGMSANTOS”

Here’s an exciting trivia: Adamson University, like FEU-EAC, has always been one of the leading universities in every quiz show I’ve joined in and needless to say, one of the hardest to beat. They’re participants consistently beat me every time and it’s excruciating.

—————————————

We’re halfway there. Have patience. Keep reading.

The third competition I’ve joined in was small fry compared to the first two but the humiliation I received was probably just as much. It was a local competition held in our campus in celebration of our university’s foundation week. A battle among the different colleges. An oral quiz with five (or was it six?) participants in each group. I was the one chosen by our college dean to represent our college together with a new classmate and three third year students (the smartest bunch in their batch). Everything was going smoothly when the oral quiz began. Our dean even supported us all the way. We topped the easy round, multiple choice (ten questions per round) – piece of cake. Afterwards, things start to go out of our hands. History and Language questions kept coming, something we’re not prepared for. And as the battle ends, we were on the losing side… It was complete annihilation… A total defeat. Too much for small fry, ain’t it? Now, here’s where I start running out of lame excuses to come up with.

Fun fact no. 3: Remember the battle of UP-Diliman? In this group quiz, we were up against one of the two students from BS Math that I teamed up with before. I hear destiny’s call ringing again.

Now the fourth and the most recent loss I had was so close to success it was such a waste. I was one of the unlucky six chosen to join (with two participants from 3rd year, 4th year and 5th year) and once again represent our university at the IECEP-EMMSC Quiz Bowl 2011: Clash of the Ingenious Minds (all thanks to my being the VP Academics of our college organization, the IECEP-GenECESS and the President of its sub-organization, the Elite Quizzers’ Society). It was held at Far East University (FEU) – East Asia College last August 17. This time, however, we were guided by one of the best professors in our college. I was tasked to manage the registration process this time as well. The IECEP-EMMSC Quiz Bowl requires every participating school  to send five questions for  Mathematics, Electronics, Communication and General Engineering Applied Sciences (a total of twenty questions). These will then be drawn randomly as questions in a specific difficulty. There will be three rounds (Easy, Average and Difficult) of eight questions each. 5 points will be given for each correct answer in an objective-type question and 15 points for problem-solving. Only three members of the group can participate in a round. Substitution can be done in-between rounds. The combination of the participants was all up to the coach.  I passed on the easy round and let others do the answering. They did great during that round, a nice start to say the least. When it was my turn to take the spotlight, that when the fight starts to turn for the worst. We’re left in a very risky do-or-die situation. I only managed to answer a single problem-solving question in the average round.  The rest is up to the others. Our coach decided to  bench me for the difficult round – a decision I just allowed. I got another correct answer for a problem-solving question. The problem however was the fact that I no longer have the right to answer. The worst part was the ones on play got it wrong. It’s disappointing but I completely understand. We lost again. We were so close. Only the top five teams were chosen to proceed to the nationals. We’re got the twelfth place, on par with UP-Diliman and another school, but only two questions away from the top 5. We returned, a little contented, with only certificates in hand. Besides, midterm exams were ongoing then it’s hard to focus. on the quiz bowl alone. Next time… Hopefully…

Fun fact no. 4:  Another very important person related to the person mentioned in fun fact no. 1 happens to be studying at FEU-EAC. We planned to meet each other that day. But like the outcome of the quiz bowl, we were so close and  still so far.

The fifth quiz bee I’ll be joining in will be held at Adamson University this coming Saturday, September 3. Will I lose again? Or will I win this time? Who knows? No matter the outcome. No matter what they say. No matter how many times I have failed. I don’t have an idea.

I feel like I am venturing on a world I no longer know – the world of the elite and the best students who deserve praise. It is like living momentarily behind the shadow of my dream, of that goal I can never achieve anymore. And that makes me a little happy.

The Unidirectional Time

Posted in Current Events, Excessively Sentimental, Family Time, Kwentong Greyd Skul, Panimula, Rewind, Thoughts with tags , , , on Hulyo 3, 2011 by westwind

     I’ve been away for almost a year and now I am back. Some… So many things we’re different now. The biggest change I ever had so far in my life. But there’s still not much positivity in my brain and my words are just as profound as they were. But hey, I’m back… and I guess this calls for a celebration. Cheers!

     Today is her birthday (technically, it was yesterday) . I mean, my best friend’s birthday… my… well… uhm… former best friend to say the least. The bond we used to have is nowhere to be found, we no longer communicate with each other (except for the very awkward greeting I received from her on my nineteenth birthday) and it’s been quite a while since I last saw her. I don’t even know what she’s up to now or if she is doing fine. To tell you the truth, I miss her so much and I’m not okay anymore with this odd distance between us.

     On a lighter note, my eldest sister is now married to her long-term boyfriend. One of my brothers, the younger one, is now working in a cruise ship, the Royal Caribbean International. The sad part though is that he has to be away from us for ten months every year. It is the very first time that a family member has to do so (except for my dad’s case years before I was born). And last but not the least, my younger sister, second to the youngest, is now pursuing veterinary at Isabela State University. And like my brother before her, she also has to spend  ten months away from us as well… If my calculations were right, it will be a very long time before the day we’re all reunited again comes.

     About me, well… not much has changed. I am still the same old boring me. The same person who regrets a lot of mistakes from his past, who would go head over heels about the silliest things, who could easily manipulate mathematical equations but never understand and accept (or deny) the reality of life and by any means, would try to stand up fearlessly, solving every problems he encounter but end up writing about sadness, false hope, childish dreams and nostalgia.

     I am still the same man who loves being negative and optimistic at the same time. I am still the same man who laughs at the weirdest jokes but hates being laughed at. I am still the same man who excels in school but not in life. I am still the same man who is a good man on someone else’s perspective but is never good for himself. I still sleep late like before or maybe much more often now. I still try to impress please everybody (which I know is impossible) but still fails. And even though I know all these things, I can’t help but fail every time I try to utilize my weaknesses and to find my strengths. And every time I smile, that smile doesn’t last for long (probably as good as not smiling at all).

     I feel a little different though… And since I still tend to believe that I can change for the better, I still welcome change just as easy as a little kid weeps after being bullied. Hey, speaking of kids, I am now working part-time as a babysitter of my cute little niece, the main cause of my many sleepless nights. I enjoy it though. And about school… I’m two years away from graduating and I am still doing fine. A little bored? Yes. A little tired? Yes. A little fed up? Yes… But still doing fine. And with ‘fine’, I mean not so fine. I still wake up every morning doing almost my same old daily routine. I still do my best, still believing that someday, I’ll find true happiness (again, one of those childish dreams). I am babbling nonsense again, aren’t I? Sorry for that. Seriously… things turn for the worse, not for the better. And the worst of all is the fact that my past is so bad, the future becomes more uncertain. If only (Yeah… that’s right… my favorite phrase!)… I guess I’d end it here.

     Just a while ago, I had the chance to reminisce my childhood days with my grade school classmates when one of them decided to create a group account on Facebook for our batch. Going back to the old times sure was great if only I remember anything. Sigh… I’m suffering with my occasional amnesia again. Back to topic… I almost did not recognize them. Some changed a lot physically. Besides having their names almost deleted on my memory, the very strange feeling of  recalling the events we shared together (another thing you can vaguely remember) adds up to the awkwardness of the situation. Each one of us took quite an unexpected change. Some took a chance abroad. Some stayed on their track towards achieving their dream back when they were still kids. Some had a change of goal. There are those who used to pursue a math-related career and end up pursuing something science-related. There are those who chose to pursue the latter and end up otherwise. Some chose to excel academically, even to the extent of abandoning their passion for either art or music. Some found new skills and hidden talents… Some chose to live life anew while some never improved at all.

     Oh the irony! Just the mere idea is killing me. I just instill on myself that it’s not yet the end my friend. So that no matter what happens, I will not give up. If they can succeed, I can as well. The thrill makes me more fueled up for action, improving day by day, albeit slowly. There will come a time when I shall be able to see the one thing I want most.

     Guess that’s it for now. I’ll be back soon. Wish me luck.  Ciao.

On Hiatus

Posted in Pagtatapos on Hulyo 7, 2010 by westwind

It looks like I have to say goodbye to blogging for a while.

I won’t be posting up anything new for several months or years from this day to concentrate on my studies and chosen career.

I’ll be back but I don’t know when.

Till then…